The voices in my nightmare were growing louder and louder, they were crying in pain, mourning over something ,was not able to find out what that something was but was really feeling nauseated, tried hard to wake up but was not able to as if someone was pulling me deeper into my slumber, suddenly hundreds of deformed figures took long stride towards me, there were noises all over, the figures were approaching with their arms straight towards me and palm making gestures as if they all wanted to strangle my neck, I was sweating in my sleep and could feel that wetness ,I tried hard to scream but was not able to, tried to move but to no avail, I felt as if I was handcuffed, and finally when I gave up ,those deformations disappeared in thin air ,I felt my hands free, I could move but the silence didn't wane ,in fact more intense morbid cries made me wake up from that horrid sleep and when I opened my eyes, to my utter horror, the scenes were not much different from the one I was witnessing a few seconds back. Rahul's mum was crying like anything on what appeared to me as Rahul’s dead body, yes he was certainly not alive, his innocent face was pale, those amiable blue eyes no more showed the signs of life, Rahul lost the battle of life, his failed kidneys could not sustain more.
It had been ten days since I came to SGPGI and the nightmares like this didn’t surprise me more, given the number of deaths I had seen just in these ten days. The amount of cancer patients and their miserable conditions that I saw on first day made me take a resolution to quit smoking and I adamantly adhered to that resolution till that day, but the urge of smoke and the amount of demises which I had witnessed in these days no longer made me scared of that deadly D word ,the last night's experience was still haunting me and I desperately wanted to smoke that out. I woke up my mum who was sleeping with a bed sheet on the bare floor of that general ward ,as soon as she woke she saw my father worriedly who was lying on patient's bed with lots of pipes connecting his veins to the glucose bottles hanging over his bed, today was the day of his dialysis and I knew that it would become a hell hectic day so I just wanted to get that fag as soon as possible, I told mum that I was going out to get some tea and rushed out.
SGPGI is spread across a sprawling 300 acres of land with some great state of art infrastructure and best doctors of the region, so much so that a lot of patients from the northern India arrive every day in search of life, the place remain crowded like hell. The urge of smoke was so much that I wanted to run through the corridors of the hospital but was unable to because of that mad rush. Somehow I reached to the elevator and when I decided to take the steps instead of that goddamn machine the doors of that lift got opened, and suddenly I was all praise for that man-made genius. The first day I used the elevator I wondered why they made a lift as big as half a bedroom, but the next day I got my answer when I saw ward boys in that lift carrying a dead body on stretcher. Hospitals are so different from the real world, the world of physically fit people.
The elevator started descending from fifth floor and I just wished that it didn’t stop anywhere but against my wish it stopped at fourth floor, in my exasperation I gazed at the door, a young woman was accompanied by a nurse and two ward boys who slid a wheel chair very gently inside the elevator. In last few days I had seen so many people on stretchers and wheel chairs that my reflexes didn't turn my eyes towards that wheel chair instantly. I looked at the hands of the woman, she was holding a red soft toy like slipper, with feathers on top and a butterfly face in front, the slipper just didn't go with the atmosphere of the hospital and that’s why I grinned at her , but the whole scenario became clear to me when I had a glimpse of that wheel chair, a little girl was lying unconscious on that wheel chair in a pool of blood, I was taken aback by the scene I just got to witness, I looked at the woman who was cursing the nurse for taking her to the elevator which did not stop on 3rd floor and goes directly to fourth from ground because of which they had to change that on fourth and come on to this one as the emergency ward was on third floor. Blood was gushing out from that kid’s injured legs , I was in a state of shock and didn’t know what to do , I just followed the group inherently , the little girl was murmuring in an incoherent voice, I tried hard to understand that and realized that she was asking for her slippers, the lady ,who I suppose was her mother, was reassuring her that she had her slippers .Doctors arrived in the scene and in no time the kid was taken into the operation theatre ,I stood there stand still watching the lady cry like hell ,I wanted to console her but didn’t find apt words ,the kid’s innocent and cute face was just not getting out of my mind, those smiling butterfly faces on the slippers resembled so much to that kid, I just didn’t want to budge from there but had my father to look upon too, I looked at the watch and it was quite late, forgetting about the puffs I ran back towards my father’s ward.
Mum was waiting there for me, I arranged a stretcher and we took dad to dialysis center on it, my dad’s one kidney was non-functional while the other one was 90 percent damaged, he needed a kidney transplant and it was my elder brother who was donating his kidney to dad.
Dad was put on dialysis and we could see the whole procedure of filtration in front of our eyes, I saw the tears in mum’s eyes and tried to console her ,my brother who had to undergo some tests was not present there, I was in state of turmoil ,my father was lying there helpless surviving on machines, my otherwise fit brother had to go under knife in few days, and the scenes there in hospital ,they all took a toll on my mind ,I was frustrated, as if all the happiness was sucked out of my life, I was disturbed, disturbed like anything, my brother who just arrived there made me to take rest but instead of regular tea session I ran to see the situation of that little kid, the operation was over and neither the kid or her mother was present anywhere, I asked some ward boys about the girl and they told me the ward number where they had been shifted.
I took long strides towards that ward, there I saw the girl sleeping on her bed cuddling those butterfly slippers and her mother sitting beside her ,gently moving her fingers in her daughter’s hair, tears were flowing from her eyes, somehow I managed all my courage and asked her about her daughter , she stared me for a while and then replied with tears in her eyes that her kid had lost her legs ,I was aghast ,tears automatically came out of my eyes when I saw those butterfly slippers alongside the kid, her mother however with all her prowess continued an said that she was glad that her daughter survived a deadly accident and hope that she would soon get to terms with life, I didn’t have courage to look into the eyes of that kid’s mother.
I walked in tears and reached the dialysis center where I saw my mum and dad smiling over something , my brother standing beside me said that he hope everything gets all right very soon, I nodded and closed my eyes and this time I didn’t see those deformed figures instead I saw that little girl walking on her legs wearing those beautiful butterfly slippers in her foot, I saw my fit father smiling and waving at me ,I saw Rahul’s mum conversing happily with her granddaughter ,a smile came to my face too and I realized it’s the hope which makes people happy and strong , it’s hope which give them courage to fight ,which make them smile even in the hardest of times.
